Introduction
BRIDGE: ENDLESS GAME – WHERE SAVING KIDS MEANS CLICKING EVERYTHING (EVEN YOUR MOM’S COFFEE MUG)
(Free trial! Then u gotta pay $5 to “unlock” the bridge u already crossed for free. No cap.)
TL;DR (BECAUSE U CAN’T BE BOTHERED)
Play as a desperate parent who enters a cursed board game to save their kid. Fight literary villains like Pinocchio (liar alert!) and Oz’s wizard (fraud alert!). Collect 50 teacups to unlock achievements. Spoiler: The real villain is your caffeine addiction.
WHY PLAY? (SPOILER: U WON’T)
- “Unique” Story: Your kid gets sucked into a Monopoly board. Now u gotta play as Alice (but she’s allergic to rabbits) or Dorothy (but her dog’s a Karen). “I’ll just Google ‘how to beat a lion’!”
- Puzzle Hell: Find hidden objects so obvious, they’re hidden in plain sight (like that coffee mug u didn’t notice). “Is this a clue or a cry for help?”
- Villains Worse Than Your Boss: Fight Pinocchio (liar), the Tin Man (rusty), and the Scarecrow (no brain). “Why am I fighting a strawman?”
FEATURES (OR LIES THEY SOLD U)
1. “Epic” Plot Twist
- Play as Jonathan, a dad who’s never read Alice in Wonderland but’s now trapped in it. “I’ll just wing it!”
- Collectibles galore! Assemble a “magic key” that’s just a reskin of a paperclip. “Worth every second!”
2. “Challenging” Mini-Games
- Solve puzzles that require more luck than brains. “If I click this teapot 100x, will it summon the Cheshire Cat?”
- Stealth sections where u hide behind a mushroom while the Tin Man naps. “Thrilling!”
3. “Rewards” That Suck
- Bonus chapter: Save the kid by… playing Candy Crush. “Mind-blowing!”
- Unlock a “magic” coffee mug that does nothing but glow. “Peasant tier!”
WHY IT’S A SINKING SHIP (BUT U’LL STILL PLAY)
- No Paywall? Lie. Hints cost $5. “Just grind for 10hrs instead! We’ll wait.”
- Glitches Galore: The Tin Man’s rust AI glitches into a disco ball. “I’ll screenshot this for TikTok!”
- Logic? Nah: The magic key is hidden under the game’s loading screen. “Plot armor beats science!”
HOW TO LOSE HOURS (AND SANITY)
- Farm Teacups: Collect 50 mugs to unlock a “secret” achievement. “But first, coffee!”
- Overthink Clues: Stare at a Cheshire Cat grin for 20 mins wondering if it’s a metaphor for ur dating life.
- Buy the “Full Game”: Already did? Too bad! The “full” game is just more cats and riddles.
DOWNLOAD NOW!
(But don’t blame us when ur life becomes a grindy loop of board games, caffeine crashes, and buyer’s remorse.)
DEV NOTES:
- Made by interns who hate fairy tales.
- Art stolen from a 2012 PowerPoint. “We added glitter! It’s ‘whimsical’!”
- Testing team quit after Week 1. “We’re not paid enough to fight Tin Men.”
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