Introduction
PokéCrack: Your New Illegal Hobby
Drop those flimsy cardboard squares – we digitized your childhood addiction! Now with 300% more sparkles and questionable life choices. Warning: May cause sudden urges to trade your cat for holographic Charizards.
Daily Dopamine Hits
☢️ Crack Packs Anytime:
Get 2 free hits daily (we know you'll buy more)
Pull cards so vintage, they have MySpace login codes
Secret combo: Shout "Pikaaa!" → unlocks devs' coffee-stained beta art
Immersion Overdose
▷ 3D Cards That Bite Back:
Holograms so real, they steal your phone's WiFi
New "VR Itch" feature: Cards physically crawl out of screen
Pro tip: Tilt device 45° to see Mew under the truck
Black Market Simulator
• Trade cards with "friends" (read: strangers you'll block tomorrow)
• Forbidden deals: 1 Pikachu = 3 chicken nuggets + roommate's Netflix password
• Global ranking of who needs therapy most
Flex or Flee
→ Binder of Shame: Showcase that 17th Zubat like it's a Nobel Prize
→ Museum Mode: Curate exhibits like "Cards I Got Drunk-Ordered"
→ Social Sabotage: Auto-post pulls to make ex jealous
Combat Minigames
⚡ Toilet Time Battles:
Finish before your legs go numb (new haptic feedback!)
"Casual" mode = Let 3-year-old cousin tap randomly
Ranked anxiety mode: Lose 5 matches → unlocks existential crisis DLC
Easter Eggs Include
• Every 100th pack contains dev team's pizza orders
• Shake phone to hear missingno's demonic ASMR
• Secret "Team Rocket" mode: Steal neighbor's data to clone cards
Download Now Get
[✔️] Free addiction disclaimer (ignored by 92% users)
[✔️] Hidden "COFFEE" code for pixelated barista minigame
[✔️] Digital eye strain certificate (framed NFT available)
*Legal disclaimer: Employees are 89% failed Rocket Grunts
Android warning: Our iOS port causes iPhones to sing Jigglypuff lullabies
