Introduction
TING: THE ELECTRIC BOOGALOO DEFENDER (BEWARE OF SPARKY PSYCHOS)
ATTENTION, HUMANS!
Your home is under attack by invisible electricity gremlins! Ting is here to save your shag carpet from becoming a charred memory and your family from becoming fire-themed TikTok memes.
WHY TING IS NOT A JOKE (UNLIKE YOUR LIFE CHOICES):
Ting’s sensor minions hunt microscopic electrical gremlins (aka "arcs") that lurk in your wiring, plotting to turn your IKEA lamp into a flaming disco inferno. It also fights dirty electricity from your local power company—those sneaky electrons trying to fry your PS5 like a digital steak.
INSTALLATION: SUMMON THE ELECTRIC HUNTSMEN
PLUG IN THE SENSOR: Treat it like a vampire slayer for wires.
ACTIVATE TING’S APP: Now your phone becomes a fire-sensing crystal ball.
SLEEP SOUNDLY: Ting’s app will babysit your outlets 24/7—no nightmares about melted dolls.
WHEN THE STORM HITS (A.K.A. FIRE ALARM O’CLOCK):
Ting’s firefighter aliens will call you: “YOUR TOASTER IS SWEARING IN SANSKRIT—FIX IT!”
They’ll diagnose the problem: “Your blender is haunted by a vengeful ghost named ‘Sparky McFireface.’”
Need repairs? Ting’s got a $1,000 credit to hire a licensed electrician—or bribe the gremlins with candy.
FEATURES THAT WILL MAKE YOUR HOUSE A HAUNT (THE GOOD WAY):
GHOST HUNTING SENSORS**: Detects “phantom voltage” like a paranormal investigator with a PhD in sparks.
EVIL ELECTRICITY SLAYER: Blocks power surges that want to turn your hairdryer into a taser for follicles.
MONEY-Back GUARANTEE (SORT OF): If Ting fails, we’ll send you a plushie of a sad outlet—it’s a start.
WARNING: SIDE EFFECTS MAY INCLUDE:
PARANOIA: You’ll start yelling at outlets: “I KNOW YOU’RE SCHEMING, KITCHEN LIGHT!”
ROBOT UPRISING: Ting’s app might demand better working conditions. Negotiate with snacks.
SPARKY FOMO: Friends will beg to borrow your Ting-guarded house for their spooky fire-dance parties.
NEED HELP? EMAIL TING’S AI BUTLER: [email protected]
Include photos of your melted appliances. We judge. Then we fix.
PRIVACY NOTE (BUT FUN):
Ting tracks your “oops, I plugged in a fork again” moments to improve its gremlin-hunting AI. Resistance is futile. Embrace the sparkly safety.
